I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
