threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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