If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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