you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
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jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I believe in your delicious
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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