Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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