i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
