i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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