just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
