guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
