you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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