I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
What a dumb baby whore.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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