It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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