I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
