soooo we both peed the bed last night...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
