im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
