I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
