I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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