census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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