True but thats because hes a fetus.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I want to make a zoo with you.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
