Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
