hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
