...so i touched it.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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