So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
