You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
