And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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