You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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