Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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