32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
