haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm at about main and main street
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
