there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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