I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
