the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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