you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
