im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
