This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
