At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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