Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
