Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
