Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize
