The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Mom said you looked used
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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