I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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