so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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