this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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