shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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