Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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