you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
