they need to just BURY HIM!
It was confusing and full of hummus
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
