Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
