FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
