do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
