Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
