I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
