I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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