Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Rumble strips road head = magical
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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