So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
