We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
