Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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