if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
