I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
