one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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