babies were throwing up all over the place
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
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There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
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I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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